Confusing Dreams and Reality

For the last week or so, my dreams have been so incredibly vivid. I don't really care why, they're actually be pretty amusing. They range from me hanging out with Jared Padalecki on nights where I catch up on a Supernatural episode to going on a trek with some of my Life Group members (although I'm not sure where the trek came from). I'm not going to delve into a book about dreams and how a big crab means that you're super gay (thank you Dane Cook and no, I have not had any dreams about big crabs thank you very much) because honestly I don't care that much. I'm not the kind of person to wake up scared from my dreams. I'm the deranged person who wants to go back to their dreams, no matter how scary, just so she can see how they end.

Last night it got a little weird though how deeply entrenched in reality my dreams were. I've been sick this weekend so I've been doing a lot of TV watching and study guide typing for AP Euro. Last night, I hammer through about 50 pages of study guide typing so I have study guides on the brain. All these random lists of artists and questions about styles and techniques are obviously on my mind. Because I've been watching TV, I also have "The Riches" on the brain. For those of you who have never seen it, "The Riches" is a show that ran for two seasons on FX. Minnie Driver and Eddie Izzard (LOVE THEM) star as the matriarch and patriarch of an Irish Traveller Family of Conmen. They've got three kids who all are skilled in pulling cons as well. They witness the accidental death of a couple called the Riches and move into their lives, becoming the Riches. I really fell into liking this show and pretty much have watched in non-stop these last few days.

So here is where reality has become firmly connected into my dream. Last night, I dreamed that I was a member of the Riches- part of the family. A lot of it was really hazy but I vividly remember that we had a list to things to complete before we could really become the Riches. Of course, what was this list? This list was the 50-page study guide that I had spent the day typing up. All five of the Riches- Dahlia, Wayne, Cael, Didi, Sam Malloys- and I were working together to complete this study guide/list, while trying to avoid Hugh Panetta, Wayne's boss, Quinn and Dale, two fellow Travellers who have it out for the Malloys, Chet Landry, the PI who is looking for Doug Riches' best friend, etc. It was one of the weirdest dreams that I have had in a long time.

So, who's curious about what this means??? :)

Awesome

and yet so sad at the same time. Thanks to Toothpaste for Dinner for this.

Change

Last Wednesday, Amanda and I hung out with some of our girls. For some reason, the conversation got onto the subject of hair and how I would look great with side bangs. So good in side bangs that I needed to get some NOW. Yes, NOW. For those of you who know me, it takes me at least a good week to get myself amped up to even trim my hair. I am not one of those spontaneous people who is just like "OK, let's go do this." Especially not with my hair which although drives me crazy at times, I usually love. Except when it's all kinky. And not in a gross way. Anyway, off stubject. So, after numerous pep talks, threats, analogies, even a throwing back in my face of my vote for Obama ("Michal, you voted for Obama and he wants change.... so now you need change too and have to go cut your hair), I finally relented. What do you think?

Not very happy about this.


In the chair....

Still not very happy about this.

Some pictures of the finished product.
Still getting used to them.

Life Group Amazing-ness

I was just rereading some of my older blogs (since I'm SUPER bored during prep and don't want to start typing study guides yet) and saw the one about my apprehension towards Life Group. That is GONE. Tuesday's Life Group meeting was incredible and I'm so excited to see what God starts to do in this group of ours.

It started with a mess of us meeting in the Ralphs parking lot to caravan down to Lake Forest. I ended up in the car with Garrett, Mike and Trenton while the Amys, Beth and Breann followed. We almost died in a crazy u-turn maneuver by Amy (which occurred WHILE I was on the phone with Mrs. Hassig) but otherwise the car ride down was hilarious. Of course, I got stuck in the car with all the boys and thus our conversation revolved around boy stuff. We talked about (OK, THEY talked about) fast cars, audio systems, audio systems IN fast cars, buying versus leasing, etc. I just sat and listened, absolutely amused.

We only had 4 people missing from the meeting, which was really nice. We talked about some expectations and ideas for the group (although Trenton forgot the epic suggestion box) and then went onto Life Stories. Man alive, I learned some things that I hadn't ever expected- I don't want to write them down just to be respectful to those who shared but man, it was crazy. These are things that you never expect when you meet someone and it reveals so much about the person. We are so lucky to have a group that comes from so many different backgrounds. I'm so excited to see that God is going to do with all of us.

After group was over, we arranged to all hang out at Panera on Friday (I'm so craving their food right now I cannot wait until 7 and a half hours), then go to a Costa Mesa community event and then deliver our Thanksgiving in a bag to our families. I'm stoked to just go and hang out with these people and I hope it's a great night. After we left Tim and Wendy's, my car, plus Chuck, Casey, Kendall and Heather stood outside talking for a good twenty minutes before we realized it was late and we were kind of loud. The drive home was again filled with boy talk but it was all good- I adore all of them.

I'm so glad that I kept going with this life group thing. I hope it continues to bless my life abundantly.

Creepers

Megan and I always seem to run into the biggest creepers. Last night, Dallas Willard was speaking at Rock Harbor. A bunch of us from college group- me, Megan, Kasey, Cosy, Seth, Colin, Jenny, Lucas, Kristina, plus Andy Hamilton and Steve Stubblefield and Rob Pierce- all went to go hear him speak. Cosy and I had dinner before hand, kind of on the run and in the car and in the patio area of Rock Harbor. The speaker was definitely different from what I expected. I thought it was going to be a lecture format and then maybe Q&A at the end. I don't really know much about Dallas Willard other than he's a pretty huge name in Christian circles so I was excited to hear what he had to say about transformation. Unfortunately things kind of rolled downhill when about 45 minutes, maybe less, into the discussion, they started opening it up to questions from the audience. That turned into a massive therapy session, talking about anger and feeling invalidated and transparent and that's when I totally lost focus. Trenton was in the audience elsewhere and he and I were texting each other- Megan and I were sitting NEXT to each other and we were texting each other. It was crazy. Around 8:30 they said that there was about another hour and we all died a little inside. So at one point, a little before 8:45, they did this exercise where we get up to introduce ourselves but instead of saying our name and job, we say our car and what we had for breakfast. That's when we made our escape- we were OUT of there. A few minutes later, as I was walking through the parking lot after saying goodbye to Megan and Kasey (Seth and Cosy had bailed about five minutes before), I ran into Steve, Colin, Jenny and Rob who had all bailed as well. So much for listening to Dallas Willard. I just felt bad that I wasn't focusing at all!

But let's talk about the creeper. There was this guy sitting behind me. I knew he was trouble when he started "yes, Lording" during the prayers. Not quietly but pretty loudly. And then he was typing on his computer like he was, as Megan put it, tenderizing meat. I have never heard some type so dang loud! And then he started making comments. I think that's what scared me the most. What is it with me and Megan running into creepers? First creepy skeleton motorcycle man and now meat tenderizer Typie McTyperson. We must be magnets!

Compliment???

Today I was told that I sound exactly like Juno.

Should I take this as a compliment or not???

Strength Finders

I had to take a Strength Finder's test for my Life Group and here are my results. Do you agree?

How well do you think these themes describe me?

Input
You are inquisitive. You collect things. You might collect information—words, facts, books, and quotations—or you might collect tangible objects such as butterflies, baseball cards, porcelain dolls, or sepia photographs. Whatever you collect, you collect it because it interests you. And yours is the kind of mind that finds so many things interesting. The world is exciting precisely because of its infinite variety and complexity. If you read a great deal, it is not necessarily to refine your theories but, rather, to add more information to your archives. If you like to travel, it is because each new location offers novel artifacts and facts. These can be acquired and then stored away. Why are they worth storing? At the time of storing it is often hard to say exactly when or why you might need them, but who knows when they might become useful? With all those possible uses in mind, you really don’t feel comfortable throwing anything away. So you keep acquiring and compiling and filing stuff away. It’s interesting. It keeps your mind fresh. And perhaps one day some of it will prove valuable.

Context
You look back. You look back because that is where the answers lie. You look back to understand the present. From your vantage point the present is unstable, a confusing clamor of competing voices. It is only by casting your mind back to an earlier time, a time when the plans were being drawn up, that the present regains its stability. The earlier time was a simpler time. It was a time of blueprints. As you look back, you begin to see these blueprints emerge. You realize what the initial intentions were. These blueprints or intentions have since become so embellished that they are almost unrecognizable, but now this Context theme reveals them again. This understanding brings you confidence. No longer disoriented, you make better decisions because you sense the underlying structure. You become a better partner because you understand how your colleagues came to be who they are. And counterintuitively you become wiser about the future because you saw its seeds being sown in the past. Faced with new people and new situations, it will take you a little time to orient yourself, but you must give yourself this time. You must discipline yourself to ask the questions and allow the blueprints to emerge because no matter what the situation, if you haven’t seen the blueprints, you will have less confidence in your decisions.

Learner
You love to learn. The subject matter that interests you most will be determined by your other themes and experiences, but whatever the subject, you will always be drawn to the process of learning. The process, more than the content or the result, is especially exciting for you. You are energized by the steady and deliberate journey from ignorance to competence. The thrill of the first few facts, the early efforts to recite or practice what you have learned, the growing confidence of a skill mastered—this is the process that entices you. Your excitement leads you to engage in adult learning experiences—yoga or piano lessons or graduate classes. It enables you to thrive in dynamic work environments where you are asked to take on short project assignments and are expected to learn a lot about the new subject matter in a short period of time and then move on to the next one. This Learner theme does not necessarily mean that you seek to become the subject matter expert, or that you are striving for the respect that accompanies a professional or academic credential. The outcome of the learning is less significant than the “getting there.”

Intellection
You like to think. You like mental activity. You like exercising the “muscles” of your brain, stretching them in multiple directions. This need for mental activity may be focused; for example, you may be trying to solve a problem or develop an idea or understand another person’s feelings. The exact focus will depend on your other strengths. On the other hand, this mental activity may very well lack focus. The theme of Intellection does not dictate what you are thinking about; it simply describes that you like to think. You are the kind of person who enjoys your time alone because it is your time for musing and reflection. You are introspective. In a sense you are your own best companion, as you pose yourself questions and try out answers on yourself to see how they sound. This introspection may lead you to a slight sense of discontent as you compare what you are actually doing with all the thoughts and ideas that your mind conceives. Or this introspection may tend toward more pragmatic matters such as the events of the day or a conversation that you plan to have later. Wherever it leads you, this mental hum is one of the constants of your life.

Empathy
You can sense the emotions of those around you. You can feel what they are feeling as though their feelings are your own. Intuitively, you are able to see the world through their eyes and share their perspective. You do not necessarily agree with each person’s perspective. You do not necessarily feel pity for each person’s predicament—this would be sympathy, not Empathy. You do not necessarily condone the choices each person makes, but you do understand. This instinctive ability to understand is powerful. You hear the unvoiced questions. You anticipate the need. Where others grapple for words, you seem to find the right words and the right tone. You help people find the right phrases to express their feelings—to themselves as well as to others. You help them give voice to their emotional life. For all these reasons other people are drawn to you.

Progression

A few days ago I got a whim to read over my old stories. Out of the 68 that I have right now, I only really write on a regular basis on probably a good ten or so (#28, #46, #52, #58, #60-64 and #66 being the main ones). However, some of these stories date back to the seventh grade and I was absolutely fascinated to go back and reread them.

First of all, they were absolutely terrible. I don't deem to call myself the next Hemingway or Hawthorne or Austen or anything but man alive, I have improved on my writing my leaps and bounds since the seventh grade. I literally cringe when I read some of the things that I've written. It's akin to looking back at old pictures and asking yourself "What the heck was I doing in that velour sweatsuit" or "Is that a ponytail coming out of the side of my head with a huge bow stuck to the rubber band?" It's literally cringe-worthy! The way that I "coincidentally" caused this to happen- it's so obvious! Part of me wants to throw these stories away because they're so terrible but part of me knows I never will because they are so precious!

And then there's what I thought was cool or popular or fun at the time. I remember reading the Baby-Sitter's Club books and listening to the author describe the outrageous clothing that the characters were wearing. Which, in the early 1990s was probably uber cool but when I was reading them in the late 90s, were horrific. Now I'm doing the same. I read what I thought I was describing as a cool outfit in 1999 and now, in 2008, I'm shocked to think that I thought that was cool. I'm doing the same thing that I always used to gripe about! I certainly hope my sense of fashion has improved so that when I reread some of my later stories in a good ten years from now, my reaction will be different.

And what about the characters in my stories. My very first story came about right after I had finished watching and adoring Wild American, starring Devon Sawa, Jonathan Taylor Thomas and Scott Bairstowe. I was smitten with them, so what do I do? Give them starring roles as the older brothers of the main character in my very first story. And how do I explain how these three actors all ended up as brothers? They changed their names when they became famous. Good grief! Where the heck did this absurd imagination of mine come from! And that's just the beginning. My favorite Concordia basketball player who I had a crush on for a good three years became the older brother of the character in Story #4. Michael Owen needed to get in there somewhere so he became the older brother in Story #8. When I later made a return to Story #8 having not written in it for years, Sean Biggerstaff, the hottest guy in the Harry Potter movie got the starring role as the boyfriend of the main character, replacing a guy who played the cello in my orchestra who, despite being beautiful, I hadn't seen in four years. Ridiculousness!

But at the same time, so much fun. It has been a real treat to see how these stories have just improved and improved over the years. I'm definitely proud of some of my later ones, despite knowing that they are incredibly silly and no one will ever read them. But in some way, I think that I have a journal of my past. I've put in events that have happened to me, to my friends, I've observed people and places and given them the opportunity to become molded into my stories. They've given me a way to get what my emotions and my desires and although nothing will ever come of them ever, I'm glad that I have them and will never delete or throw them away.

Anecdote

I forgot a little anecdote about Idaho. So I'm chilling at Brooke's house and we somehow get onto the subject of what people in different states are called (i.e. CalifornIANS, IdahoANS, OregonIANS, etc.). However, we realized that we had no idea what people from Illinois are called. (Illinoisans? Illinoisites, what?) We're not having much lucky googling so Brooke has an idea. Here is the conversation.

Brooke: Let's just call them!

Michal: What, call Illinois?

Brooke: Yeah, there's got to be a chamber of commerce we can call.

Michal googles Chamber of Commerce in Chicago and gives Brooke the number. Brooke dials.

Brooke: Hi, I'm from Idaho and we were just wondering, what do you call people from Illinois? Like we're Idahoans and there are New Yorkers and Californians and all that.... oh, you don't know... well, that's OK....

Michal: Wait, Wikipedia! It says Illinoisans!

Brooke: Is there someone around you that knows? One of your co-workers or something? (pauses for a moement).... OK, great, yeah, we just found. Tell him thanks..... OK, yeah, we'll send it. Thanks a lot! Bye! (hangs up).... This guy who works next to her said we have to send them a bag of Idaho potatoes since he told us what is was.... Funny that potatoes from Oregon adn Washington are better.

Oh man, I adore her. Who would do that! Only Brooke! That's why I love spending time with her.

Plus, now I know that people are Illinois are called Illinoisans (pronounced Illi-noyans, FYI).

No pictures

What? No pictures from your Idaho trip? Who are you and what have you done to Michal?

Ok, so that's a lie. I have three pictures from my Idaho trip. One of Allie playing soccer and two of the Ralph Smeed sign (one of the old and one of the new). And that is it. Honestly, I promise. So again, I will ask, who are you and what have you done to Michal?

Well anyway, even without the pictures, it was an awesome trip. Here's a quick recap of each day.

Friday: Wake up at the buttcrack of dawn (and yes Megan, I said buttcrack) and spent all day driving up to Idaho. Stop at the WONDERFUL bread place in Bishop and a few other places but mostly drive all the way up. Chris does all the driving while Michal gets to sleep, listening to books of CD and sleep some more.

Saturday: Breakfast at Perkins with Allie and the Dufault girls (minus Beth). Allie regales us of stories from the corn maze, including her chucking a corn cob at a girl who came after her later. After some hanging out at the hotel, we head over to ACI (Sorry, I still have trouble calling it C of I)for the games and Taste of the Harvest. I miss the first half (when the other team scores) of the women's game because i am drinking wine and hanging out. I saw Jocelyn, Dori, John Reuter, Steph Carlson and a few other people. Felt bad about missing the first half so sat with Amy and Aussie inside McCain while the rain POURED down and threatened to ruin the rest of teh game. Eventually it went away and watched Allie score in the second half. Got some more wine and then watched the boy's game. Man, I miss this! The heckling, the shoving, the fighting, the scoring, it was epic! Headed back to the hotel to grab my stuff, drove out to Boise, picked up my SWEET red ride, went to dinner at the Cheesecake Factory, bought my Ste. Chapelle wine and then headed to Miss Kristen's house.

Sunday: Headed out to Sterry for church. Was marveled over by all the lovely people there. Pastor Mark and his family weren't there but Paul Epperson introduced me which was nice. Went to lunch with Hester, Sandy and a few of the other old ladies. They love me. It's very nice. Chatted with them, caught them up on my life and then headed into Caldwell. Had a LONG chat with Dori at Moxie about pretty much everything. She gave me some book recs and vice versa and overall, it was an AWESOME chat. I was late to get to Mary and Ted's house for our very reduced but still awesome small group dinner. It was great to chat with everyone and enjoy Mary's amazing cooking (I was STUFFED!)

Monday: Spent the night at Mary's and then headed over to school. Chatted with Dennis and Sue, saw Mee-Ae, Steve, Howard, had lunch at good old Simp with Allie (no croissant sandwiches!) :( went to say hi to Mark Smith, arranged to meet with Steve the next day, worked on getting my thesis printed, pretty much had a great day wandering around my alma mater. Headed back into Boise, had dinner on the balcony with Brookie and Bailie and then went downtown to see Alisa's apartment and walk to Thomas Hammer to have coffee. Told her all about the fated England trip, spied on Daniel Grad, got to haer all about what she was doing. IT was a great catch-up session. Felt like CRUD when I got back so I downed a few Tylenol PM and crashed.

Tuesday: When I finally woke up (seriously, it was like 10:30), I hung around Brooke's house for a bit and then headed out to buy Allie a "California lunch." I showed up at the house with Del Taco and Jamba Juice, yum! We had a really good chat and then i headed over Moxie to meet with my favorite prof ever, Dr. Steven Maughan. It's always awesome to talk with him and get some book recs (two of which I've already read and loved). Then I headed over to Jocelyn's classroom. It's so incredibly cute, I am so in awe of people who teach elementary school. We headed over to Rembrandt's afterwards to have some coffee in the uber cool coffee house. I had dinner with Brooke and Bailie again and hung out with my girl Bailie after dinner.

Wednesday: I had nothing the whole morning so I hung out at Brooke's, watched Smokin' Aces in her AWESOME basement movie theatre and eventually headed over to Timberline. I talked to Charles and Doug, told them about my last year, got some lesson ideas from Doug and then headed over to the alumni event at the Bardenay. Yosh and Kirk and Jake and a few other people that I knew were there. We talked and listened to Jasper LiCalzi spout his ideas about local and national politics. I'm definitely bummed that I never got a chance to take a class from him but this sort of kind of made up for it. After the even, Yosh, Eric, Lourdes, Sam and I went out to sushi. I wasn't sure what I liked (I had to make an emergency call to Megan) but had a cucumber roll and california roll and it was delis. And I used chopsticks! Go me! Afterwards we headed over to the HAPENNY! My favorite place! I had the Ace Pear Cider and it was yummy yummy yummy. I didn't really know Eric, Sam or Lourdes at school but again, this is why I love ACI. We didn't have too much in common but we had an awesome time all hanging out and talking and it's all because we went to the same school. Love it!

Thursday: Said goodbye to Brooke and headed into town to get coffee and bagels with Kristen. Even though I had spent the night at her house as well as had dinner with her at Mary's, it was good to have some one-on-one chat time with her. After, I headed to Pita Pit, grabbed lunch and then went to the airport. The flight home was uneventful, I spent my two and a half hours in SLC grading papers and listening to classic rock and reading my Supernatural magazine. Got home in time to make it to the baptism. Love it!

I LOVE YOU IDAHO!

Happy Birthday

To my youngest sister- sixteen! Holy crap! She's not allowed to be sixteen! Remember when she was young and cute and just a little baby? Where the heck has the time flown! Anyway, happy birthday, one day late. I love you!

PS- OK, so that picture's kinda old- from Aug 2007. But get over it, I love this pic.

Life Groups

Last night I went to my second (although overall its the third) Life Group meeting at Rock Harbor. I was bummed to miss last week but starting on Friday of last week, I was thinking about it and honestly, was not feeling the urge to go. I was just so complacent- I much rather would have stayed home and watched House or something. But I knew that it was something that I had really wanted to do soI pushed myself into going. And i'm so glad that I did. Both Amys were there as well as people that I remembered from the first week. A lot of people from our original table were gone but we immediately got into a good conversation. It was awesome to see Amy Risley again and it was really nice to see John and Breann and Mike and Hubur again. We talked first about how Adam and Eve's relationship to each other and God changed after they ate of the forbidden fruit. That was a really great conversation that we immediately fell into. We then watched a Nooma video by Rob Bell about "lumps". The deal was that we always want to hide when we've been caught but really, there is nothing that we can do that will make God love us less. That's when the staff threw a curveball at us. They ended up combining our table with another table and thus began the awkwardness. We didn't know how this big group of 17 was going to fit together but after a brief introduction, we fell into it. I kind of helped facilitate by asking the questions and although at first only the same people were talking, by the end, everyone had said at least one thing. Next week is our final meeting on "campus" so to speak and the week after we're going to start meeting either at Amy or Trenton Lefman's house (funny how I've been involved with things with all of the Lefmann boys at some point....) or at the Spectrum, which I think would be cool because we'd be bringing ourselves outside to the people. Hopefully be a light that way.

Both Amy's, Trenton and I hung out for a little bit afterwards (Trenton and I were both thinking about possibly being leaders.... although I still need to pray a LOT about this because it sounds like a BIG time commitment at first and with now having to take the CTEL on my own, I don't know..... we'll see) and it was hilarious because we kind of were having a little Voyagers catch up session. The more interesting part of the night though was when we some how got onto politics. Now don't get me wrong, I won't attack you for your political beliefs but when I'm talking with people who are so opposite what I believe, it gets uncomfortable. Luckily, I didn't have to say much and I ended up steering the conversation away from politics but it was definitely awkward for a moment. Politics just don't mix well with others. They probably got "doesn't play well with others" on their report card.

Anyway, though, I'm stoked that I ended up going back and although I'm still not 100% jumping waiting to get back next Tuesday, I'm glad that I forced myself to and will do so again if I ever get complacent.

The Concert

Oh man, was it a total blast! A little frustrating at the beginning because we unfortunately had to stand behind this guy in the Will Call line that took forever! So we ended up missing the first song and a half of Jars of Clay but when we finally got to our seats, we saw Dan! And Steve! And Charlie! And Matt! My boys! I love them!

Jars of Clay were amazing. They wore these sweet tennis outfits with tight white pants and jackets and looked awesome! Of course, the music was fantastic. They sang three songs from their new EP, which we later got for $5 and is AMAZING. Their new song, Closer, is absolutely fantastic! (Favorite line: You're the L and the V, I'm the O and the E). Some songs were from Good Monsters and all the usual classic Jars songs. The sad part was that it was WAY too short of a set. It was only about thirty minutes and thirty minutes of Jars of Clay is about two hours too short :)

However, just after they got off stage, they headed down to the merchandise area and we stood in life to wait and meet them. They were taking pictures and signing autographs and chatting and I was so excited! I knew that it was going to be a slightly quicker meet and greet than with me and Tessa in Walla Walla but still, you never miss a chance to meet your favorite group! The lady in front of us, when she came up to Dan, the lead singer (the guy in the middle of the pic below), said "oh, thank you so much, i love your ministry, etc.., etc". Compare that with me who got up to him and was like "Yeah, well, I just love you!" He was so sweet- they all were- signing stuff for us, including my new poster and something for Shiri (which we decided to keep and let Youval have instead).

The best art though was meeting Matt Odmark. I was wearing my green Jars t-shirt that I bought at the House of Blues. It has a silhouette of a guitarist and when I got up to Matt at the end, he points to my shirt and is like "Hey, that's me!" And I said, "Yeah, I know!" So we chatted about it and we (Matt, me AND Stephen- who I've talked to before for about 10 minutes about his tattoo in Hebrew) discussed the awesomeness of the shirt and the silhouette and then he signed my shirt right about the silhouette and even though they were trying to move people along, he took a picture with me (see below!). These guys are so awesome! I love it!
Didn't get to talk to much to Stephen and Charlie but they are both fabulous as well. And check out Stephen's laughing face above! Precious!
We had some kill time while listening to Robert Randolph (a SWEET pianist and guitarist) so we took some fun pictures.
And of course had to take a picture of the Chik-Fil-A ad. Although if I'm being honest, I was actually trying to take a picture of the cows for Shiri but when I looked at the picture, this is what came up on the screen! It's all good :)
And then Switchfoot arrived. I had seen them the most recent with Relient K. Still, they were fabulous. They sang a ton of songs from their newest CD, O Gravity, but also a bunch of their oldies but goodies: Learning to Breathe and Meant to Live were two of those. Jon Foreman is so incredibly passionate when he sings. It's pretty inspiring.

And of course, who could forget the amazing cellist. Same guys as last time but still just as great, if not greater. He came out for a few songs, including Home, the song that they wrote especially for the Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian movie. I absolutely love that song and it was great to hear it live since Prince Caspian hadn't come out at the last concert.

Probably one of the coolest songs was American Dream. They had images projected on the screen during the choruses, old black and white video reels. Of course, American Dreams is a really great song right now since the American Dream is crashing for a lot of people right now during the crazy financial crisis that's going on right now. The coolest part though was when they froze in the red light.

It was right before they sang "This is my American Dream...." and they were all frozen in position for a good minute, I think. It definitely kept us all on the edge of our seat (well, we hardly sat- only a little bit during Third Day), waiting for the rest of the chorus. Still, it was very eye-catching and a trippy part of the show.

Oh epic cello-ness!

Last but not least, Third Day arrived. I have seen Third Day before as well but I didn't really know them too well. They sang a ton of new songs from their new CD, which was also bought, this time for $10. Mac Powell has such an amazing voice and his songs are so incredibly powerful! Just like Switchfoot, he sang the new songs but also a ton of oldies, including God of Wonders, which was pretty awesome to be singing with everyone else in the crowd. Their new songs were fabulous though. I'm so excited for the new CD!

Of course, no concert ends without bringing everybody back onstage. Robert Randolph came on first but then Jars showed up and Dan and Mac sang "I'll Fly Away" together. One of my favorite hymns, other than Amazing Grace. Their voices were both so incredibly powerful and everybody and I mean everybody was singing along.


And finally, they brought Switchfoot out as well and literally brought down the entire house by singing a version of U2's "When Love Came to Town". This is what I love about these amazing artists. Their message is so powerful, yet they can reach anybody through their music. I have become a Third Day fan simply because of their awesome message and their catchy songs that reflect what I'm thinking. I had such a blast at the concert and I'm so glad that Youval and I got to go!

The sound that makes me punch babies

We all have one. And mine is the sound of rain on tarp. Apparently it rained last night. First of al, WTF? No one said anything about rain. But whatever, it's all good. I love the rain. But not when it bangs on tarp. And not at 4:00 AM. And not when I have no idea what the sound is. And not when it prevents me from falling asleep so I have to turn my fan and my audio recording on Prince Capsian. And not when I have no idea where my headphones are so I cann't even use those to block out the sound. And not when I have to get up early to teach music and chorus and theater to a bunch of middle school kids. Rain on tarp=no bueno in my book.

In my "elder" years

I used to not be too emotional about silly things like TV shows and movies. The only two that would kind of get me at the end were Mr. Holland's Opus and Remember the Titans. At least those are legitimate movies to get emotional about. Remember the Titans, you've got life-changing injuries, Gerry Bertier in the bed with his arms outstretched when they win, everyone dancing when they walk into the stadium, "can't you see he's my brother", of course, the winning in the end and everyone meeting up again at the funeral. Tearjerker, for sure.


And of course, for a music lover, Mr. Holland's Opus is devastatingly sad and happy and emotional at the end. Of course, it all starts when he does the light show for his deaf son's school and then sings "Beautiful Boy" to Cole, which gets the tears starting. And then there's when all of his students come back together to perform his opus. Unfortunately, that also means that Mr. Holland is leaving because the school is cutting the music program, which is devastating in its self. When the dumb red-head mayor/governor/senator/whatever she is introduces the opus and then sits down in her dang clarinet chair because she's the dang red-head chick who couldn't play worth beans, I lose it! (And when I say dumb and dang, it's simply because that's the only way I can control my tears now).


Now, for some reason, unbeknownst to me, I have started to get far too emotional. I started tearing up when I saw the preview for the dang Bucket List. The preview! And I didn't even attempt to go see the movie! Forget about it. And I'm not even a Jack Nicholson or Morgan Freeman fan!

But that started off a trend. I started majorly tearing up at nearly every single slightly emotional movie. But where I really lost it was Amazing Grace. It was about 2:00 in the afternoon, nobody was home, and I was sitting at home watching Amazing Grace. I knew the story- William Wilberforce attempting to stop the British slave trade, getting sicker and sicker, facing opposition, trying to figure out which of the two identical old men were the good and bad one, the death of Equiano who never got to see the result of their work, etc. Of course, Amazing Grace in itself is one of my favorite hymns anyway and I can still recite the John Newton speech from Psalty. But I never thought that the movie was hit me like it did. At the end, when they announce the votes for the abolition of the slave trade and they show all of the shots of the various characters (and I'm sure Chris Tomlin's version of Amazing Grace was in the background but I might be making that up....), I am sitting in my house, alone, bawling! Uncontrollably! It was ridiculous!


And then finally, this morning. I haven't had time at all to watch TV at night, so I've been catching up when I haven't been working on when I get back. So this morning, I sit and watch ER. I knew that a "fan favorite" was going to die. but honestly, I thought they were going to pull a usual ER and have some sort of surprise ending. But when they rolled Pratt upstairs and had those amazing shots of Chunie and Haleh watching and crotchety Frank squeezing his shoulder before going into the elevator, I knew it was over. Pratt! Why Pratt! Just like most characters on ER (Archie Morris in particular), you can't stand him at first but he totally grows on you. I would say that he was one of my favorites. And now he's gone! At the beginning of the season! I can understand maybe at the end but man.... what are you doing to me! I haven't watched ER since the beginning but I can count on both hands I think all the characters they've gotten rid of- Dr. Greene (who apparently is making his way back this season... in flashbacks??), John Carter, Michael Gallant, Kerry Weaver, Alex Kingston (why the heck can't I remember her ER name! The British gal who was married to Dr. Greene!), Shane West (oh Shane!!!! You lost your spot on ER and your legs!), Luka, Dr. Romano (OK, I wasn't sad about him), and that was just the regualr characters. That doesn't count the coming and going characters- like the chick from 3rd Rock from the Sun who didn't like Sam and fired Haleh, Dr. Skye the weirdo, the doctor that Abby cheated on Luka with (what the heck was his name? Man, I'm losing it!). So I cry when Pratt dies and then when I think I'm under control, smiling at their fun little get together at Ikes and the toast with the mozzarella sticks (which I am now craving), I cry again when I see that dang Abby is leaving! AUGH!!!!!! I can't take it!!!

Oh emotions.... how you toy with me!!!

Love....

Love is a movement.

Love can be shown in many languages.

Love is a many-splendoured thing.

Love is in the house.

Love has taken its toll on me.

Love came to town.

Love is all you need.

Love lifts us up where we belong.

Love is my religion.

Love asks me no questions, and gives me endless support...

Love is like a rumor, everyone talks about it, but no one truly knows.

Love is a haunting melody that I have never mastered.

Love me do.

Love, Love, Love. All you need is love.

This is your life?

I just got back from the Jars of Clay, Switchfoot and Third Day concert and I promise I will post about that tomorrow. However, it did get me thinking about a lot of things that are going around in my life right now.

This is your life, are you who you want to be
This is your life, are you who you want to be
This is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be
When the world was younger and you had everything to lose

These lyrics by Switchfoot have been running through my mind. Am I who I want to be? Is my life what I wanted and dreamed it to be? That's a HUGE questions and one that the answer isn't very happy.

Because often times, no, my life isn't everything I dreamed it to be. I've done a lot of things in the past that I'm not proud of. There are things in the future that I'm not happy about. There are things that I wish I had done and things I wish that I hadn't done. I still have dreams that I'm pretty sure will never be fulfilled and experiences I had that I wish I could give back. For example:

I'm mortified when I think back on the way that I treated people I didn't like when I was little.

I'm ashamed how I was like the silent Mean Girl. I stood by while my friends were cruel to each other and to those who didn't deserve it.

I wish that I had been more social in college.

I regret letting myself get overweight and I struggle with trying to keep that from happening every single day.

I wanted to be a rockstar. I wanted to be on a stage under bright lights and have hundreds of people cheer for me and sing along with me.

I curse my shyness because I know that it's kept me from meeting and becoming friends with so many people.

I still have trouble accepting my name. It gets very tiring to have people cough up a lung when trying to say my name.

I'm shocked when I think back to how much hard-earned money I just let slip down the drain when I was in high school. And when I think of my parents hard-earned money that I squandered when I was in college.

I sometimes feel like I'm going to be a sub forever and never move out of my parents house.

Sometimes I wish I could live in the fantasy world of my stories. Oh man, that would be nice.

There are times when I wonder if a guy will ever find me attractive or fall in love with me.

I've lost a great many friends that I wish I hadn't lost- some through no fault of my own and others through faults of my own.

There are definitely more but it's late and this is all that comes into mind right now. But where am I now is my life. I've created it through the decision that I've made and I know that in the larger scheme of things, God has destined all of this to happen. So I should be satisfied. And at times I am. But sadly, most of the time, I feel a great deal of regret.

Sigh.....

Worship

The last two nights I've experienced two incredibly different but both still incredibly inspiring examples of worship. I love worship- I love praise, I love the singing, I love the feel of being wrapped up in God's love, I can't get enough of it! I love that worship can happen anywhere- at camp, at church, in your car, in your room, on a mountain top, on the beach, anywhere. I love how it can take so many different forms and these two and I experienced these past two nights were amazing.

The first was at jr. high group on Wednesday. Outside of summer and winter camp, I have never seen such enthusiasm during worship. We were signing some pretty upbeat songs but still, every single kid was jumping up and down, dancing on couches, doing the hand motions, clapping, singing their hearts out, shouting and just praising the Lord with everything they had in them. It was in inspiring to see- these young kids, insecure, unsure of themselves, dealing with so many things- were just jumping up and down and praising Jesus. It was so cool to see! I am absolutely in love with these kids!

Then last night, was the total opposing. We had about 17-18 people at college group and all of us were sitting in a big circle- in the couch, in the floor, on the stools. Alvia and Seth were leading but we were all just singing together. During one of the songs, we kind of forgot some of the lyrics and it was so cool because we were all kind of mumble and hum along during the unknown lyric was just get much louder when we saw "still more awesome than I know...." It was pretty entertaining and we were all laughing while we were worshipping. At one point during the night, I opened my eyes and looked around the room. We were all in fellowship together while worshiping but we were also all in our own fellowship with God. Everyone's eyes were closed, everyone had a certain peaceful expression on their face, it was really cool to witness.

That's what I love about worship. We all are joined together by singing the same songs and singing to the same God. Yet at the same time, worship is a clearly personal act between you and God. It's individual yet communal at the same time. There are not a lot of things that have the same situation. But you have that with worship and that's why I love it.

Some Interesting Late Night Experiences

Why do most interesting/creepy experiences tend to happen at night? Candice and I were pondering that situation while watching Supernatural the next two nights. We never worried when something was going on during the day because seriously.... nothing bad happens during the day. It's just at night when things get interesting. Take the last two nights for example (and with a lake walk with Megan, Jenny and maybe Ada tomorrow, it could be three nights in a row!)


Let's start with Tuesday night. I ate WAY too much lasagna and bread and then drank almost a full bottle of soda (not the big ones sillies.... you know what I mean). So after House, I was still so incredibly stuffed. I felt like a pin cushion. So I told Candice that before Ghostfacers, we HAD to go on a walk. So we did. It was a lovely night- the moon was almost full, the temperature was warm, no clouds, it was beautiful. Candice has a quiet neighborhood so we were just walking and talking about my Parables talk when this kid roller bladed past us. OK, not a big deal but just then these two squawky birds flew over our head. Honestly, I thought they were bats. But they weren't. Bats don't make noise like that. However, great minds (hahahaha) must think alike cuz Blade-y up ahead of us, calls back to us and asks us if we know what kind of bird it is? He suggests it a bat when we respond that we don't know and we kind of shrug. He then proceeds to ask us where we're going (to which we respond that we're just walking....) and then waits for us to catch up with him. Odd. Then it gets weirder! He starts rollerblading next to us at the speed that we're walking. He's not even talking to us, he's just rollerblading next to us. Bizarre! Finally, he speeds up and Candice leans over to me and whispers "Um, so I'd be worried about this if he wasn't fourteen." But he was fourteen so it was fine.

What was not fine was the car of five guys that parked right as we were walking through the park. It was very much an Outsiders scene- Ponyboy and Johnny sitting in the park, minding their own business, when Randy, Bob and the rest of the Socs show up.... that kind of creepy. We made a severe left turn, quickly circled round and headed for home to avoid the carful of guys that outnumbered us 5-2. And then I thought things would be OK until I heard a loudspeaker say something and Candice says "Don't worry, that's just the prison."

I beg your pardon?????

But that, to say the least, was no the weirdest experience I've had because I must talk about tonight. Jenny and I are alone in the jr. high room, just chatting about the girls and life and whatever when this older man pokes his head into the room, takes a look around and at us and then leaves. We don't know who this man is, he doesn't look familiar and we're kind of nervous. So Jenny's like "come on, get your keys and let's go!" Just as we're about to walk down the stairs, he comes back down the hall. We can't not say anything so I ask him if we can help him with someone. He replies that he was just looking for a pastor or something and so I tell him that there's nobody around and they've all gone home. I made sure he gets down the stairs, I lock up both doors and as he's walking to his car, he turns around and asks us if we know Mark Van. We say yes but tell him Mr. Van's definitely not here and could we pass on a message? He said no and starts to walk dejectedly to his car.

Well, this certainly NOT the beginning of a Supernatural episode where the VOTW (Victim of the Week) gets off-ed before Sam and Dean can arrive but it was weird nonetheless. The guy did not look good- he looked like he was in a super dark place, really depressed, his white button-down was hanging onto him, he looked like he needed help. I just couldn't let him drive away so I called after him to wait and said that I'd pop into the high school room and see if anyone was there. Luckily, Joey was in there talking to Jeremy and right after I finished telling Joey the story, the man pokes his head in. Joey and Jeremy go to talk to him while Jenny and I wait inside for a good fifteen minutes. I think Joey got him to call up the church the next day and make an appointment to talk to one of the senior pastors and the man went off on his way. I was really glad that Joey was there to take control of the situation because I really didn't want the guy to leave in the state of mind that he is. So hopefully my awkward good deed of the day helped.

I am eagerly anticipating what the night has in store for me tomorrow..... hehehehehe.

On Broadway...

OK, so I've always wanted to sing on Broadway. Not in the I practice singing for years and years, train my voice, standing in line at 6 AM to audition for show, waitressing to earn money while I live in a tiny apartment with three weird roommates in Hells Kitchen. Just in how I've LOVED Broadway musicals most of my life, have downloaded kareoke versions of some songs so I can sing along and of course, will sing aloud as long as I can to any musical that I can.

So this begs the question.... would I ever to be on Broadway....if I could stand onstage once and perform any role I wanted to.... which one would it be? I can't answer that so here is a list of those roles that I would die to play.

Christine in Phantom of the Opera: First of all, I can't hit every single note that she does (but almost....) BUT we're dreaming now, aren't we? Ever since I heard Sarah Brightman sing this role, especially the one part in "Twisted Every Way" that gives me chills, I've wanted to play this role.
The Narrator in Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat: OK, so I'm not exactly sure what her title is so we'll call her Narrator. She's pretty much onstage at all times and she basically tells the story. So she rocks.

Eponine in Les Miserables: Mainly because I can't stand Cosette and I love how caring the men are for her after she's killed for Marius, a dumb guy who loves stupid Cosette. And because I felt sorry for her.

Scaramouch in We Will Rock You: She don't take no crap from no one. Plus, she's got some AMAZING songs and gets to wear one of the coolest costumes ever. But not Crazy Little Thing Called Love, but it's OK because her attitude makes up for it. She puts Galileo and everyone else in their place.

Lady of the Lake in Spamalot: Her role ROCKS! She gets to sing opera, scat, jazz, she's got a whole song about how her part has been taken away from her, and her green dress is fantastic!

Cathy in The Last Five Years: Oh man, her part makes me want to cry. But her songs are out of this world. And heartbreaking. And sometimes I just want to SMACK Jamie for making Cathy so sad. And then I want to smack Cathy for being an idiot and not loving Jamie like she should. Oh man, this show is complicated!

.

Susan/Kareess in tick...tick...BOOM: OK, so it would basically be the entire female contingency in this show since the entire cast is two males and one female but still.... she gets to go from an almost strip-tease in Green Green Dress to a fight in Therapy to some amazing duets/trios with Johnny and Michael. And the finale of that show, especially her part at the acapella section is phenomenal.

Mother in Ragtime: She is the strongest character in the whole show and the way that she holds together her family, other families, seemingly the whole Ragtime era is epic.
Elphaba in Wicked: Mostly her over Glinda because I happen to like Idina Menzel a smidge more than Kristin Chenoweth (who I still adore, don't get me wrong....) and also because she ends up with Fiyero (and who doesn't love Norbert Leo Butz...) and her songs are awesome. The one song of Glinda's that I really like is Thank Goodness and is Elphaba sang Thank Goodness, the part would be epic. Although it would be odd for Elphaba to sing Thank Goodness because half of the part is anti-Elphaba.

Now there are lots more that I would play but these are my top ones. I know that Broadway dream will never be fulfilled so for now I'll have to be content with my Original Broadway Cast CDs and my ipod.

Mere Christianity

I just started reading this amazing book by the even more amazing C.S. Lewis and so far I could not be more enamoured by it. It's obviously totally different in writing style from the Planet Trilogy and even farther from the Narnia series. But so far, despite only being about eight chapters into it, I've found it so intriguing and it makes so much sense! My favorite part so far is his analogy of being a Christian to being in enemy-occupied territory. Lewis writes:

"Enemy-occupied territory-- that is what this world is. Christianity is the story of how the rightful king has landed, you might say landed in disguise, and is calling us all to take part in a great campaign of sabotage. When you go to church you are really listening=in to the secret wireless from our friends: that is why the enemy is so anxious to prevent us from going. He does it by playing on our conceit and laziness and intellectual snobbery. I know someone will ask me, 'Do you really mean, at this time of day, to re-introduce our old friend the devil- hoofs and horns and all?' Well, what the time of day has to do with it I do not know. And I am not particular about the hoofs and horns. But in other respects my answer is 'Yes I do'. I do not claim to know anything about his personal appearance. If anybody really wants to know him better I would say to that person, 'Don't worry. If you really want to, you will. Whether you'll like it when you do is another question.'"

So often Christianity does seem like a battle. As a Christian, there are so many people against you- people like those who persecute, those who believe it other religions and want to put Christians in their place, and of course, the Devil and has ability to tempt us and try and pull us away from the right path. It's a daily fight to stay on the right path- all around us there are temptations, there are roadsigns that look so much more inviting and it's so easy in today's society to fall into pitfalls. We're fighting on enemy battleground but we have the best weapon on our side. First of all, if we don't survive out battle, we go to a paradise that is more wonderful than one hundred times the most beautiful place on earth. Additionally, we have the strongest soldier on our side. Even though the devil himself attempted to get to Jesus by taking him through the wilderness, the devil did not succeed. Jesus stood up to the devil, using scripture as his ammunition. We can use his example to give us support and ammunition as well. It is so good to know that with God's word in our heart, we can stand up to any enemy.

I know that I'm not far into Mere Christianity yet but I'm really excited to get more into it and see what awesome gems Mr. Lewis has to offer. I've always been a fan of Lewis and am so excited to be reading some of his deeper thoughts.

Besties

So I just got done laughing, walking, praying and crying with my two best friends. I have some amazing friends in my life and am so blessed by them but I cannot physically, verbally, emotionally, etc. express how much I love these two girls. Megan and Amanda are probably the two people who know me best in this entire world. They know my hopes, my dreams, my fears. They know my insecurities (and man oh man, are there a lot of those). They know so much about me and honestly, there is no possible way that I would have made it through this year without them. I have so many incredible memories with these ladies- sitting curled up on Megan's couch late one night rereading our favorite moments of the Shack; numerous walks around the lake; coloring and baking cakes and decorating with homemade frosting; Legacy nights, cooking and sharing with the group; looks shared across the room at college group about some inside joke; sharing two very unique stories about wedding experiences on the lawn across the street from my house; Monday coffee dates and prayer times; excursions to Rite Aid where we discussed ugly glasses, the best deodorant and make-up, which eating ice cream; going to the Counter and having the best server ever....; I seriously could go on and on and on. These two amazing girls are my rock. They have supported me through thick and thin, through the good times and the bad times, through laughter and tears, through pretty much everything. Ecclesiastes 5:12 says what I feel about them best: Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. I know that I am going to be in love with these girls for the rest of my life and I know that we are going to be lifelong friends.

My Miss Megan is truly an amazing person. I don't think that I have ever become friends with somebody so quickly. One get to know you date over coffee was all that it took for us to become inseparable. She is such an inspiration to me- the insight that she has to so many of my problems is amazing and all the help that she's given me since I've known her proves that she is going to be an amazing therapist. She is right there on the exact same page as me. Oftentimes I won't want to say something because its awkward or uncomfortable and there's Megan, saying exactly what I feel, making me not feel as alone. We have also had some special times, my favorite being the night on the beach. We were only there for about an hour but siting on the "sheet" underneath dinosaur and Batman blankets, talking about our pasts and experiences and life stories was amazing. Plus, who could forget the CREEPSTER on the motorbike that caused us to pee in our pants he was so scary! She is constantly getting me involved- calling me to come have coffee or hang out or go listen to Seth and Alvia play and never once have I felt awkward or uncomfortable around her and Kasey. I am so excited for this next year of our relationship and cannot wait for the numerous adventures I know that we're going to have.

And then there is my dear, darling Amanda. I will never ever forget Fish Fest when we snuck in at the end of the line and got to meet Toby Mac and chat with him for a bit. That's one of my first and favorite memories of her, my freshman buddy (who I sadly had to break ranks with when I graduated early and we were no longer seniors together). Honestly though, I couldn't tell you for the life of me how Amanda and I became so close. It just seemed like overnight, we were best friends and talking for hours about anything and everything Amanda is one of the wisest people I know. No matter how low or sad or insecure or depressed I feel, she knows exactly what to say. And she's given me the opportunity to counsel her as well and give back to her what she's given to me. Our experiences go from super-fun like the Switchfoot/Relient K concert (cello!) to super-serious like the long talk we had at midnight the day that I was fired and when she was going through relationship issues. I know that I can always come to her for anything and she is there with a comforting word, some good advice, spiritual support and a huge hug and kiss. This girl has the coolest adventure standing in front of her when she goes up to Hume and I cannot wait to hear about her experiences and how God has changed her.

But seriously, though. I have the most amazing best friends in the world and feel like the luckiest girl in the whole world because of these two phenomenal ladies. Megan and Amanda, I LOVE YOU!